Reflections on Cloud Atlas, the Movie

By Shawn

Major intended lessons of Cloud Atlas, the movie:

(1) Love unites the weak. Our individual efforts are but a drop in the ocean, but together are able to stand up against the strong in a pattern that recurs throughout history because “we keep on making the same mistakes.” Or something

(2) EVERYTHING IS CONNECTED BECAUSE ???. COMET BIRTHMARK + OBSCURITY = PROFUNDITY.

Major unintended lessons of Cloud Atlas, the movie:

(1) Never put a white actor in yellow face.

(2) Tom Hanks can act, but he really doesn’t want to, and will revert to being Tom Hanks if you drop your guard for even a second.

(3) Hugh Grant’s idea of putting on an American accent is just trying to sound like even more of a dick.

(4) Halle Berry. I don’t know what I think of you. But I am pretty sure you had no idea why you were speaking gibberish to Tom Hanks in a post-apocalyptic setting. I don’t blame you. No one else did either.

(5) Jim Broadbent is the only one in this cast who’s really trying. Put him in more things, Hollywood.

(6) Well, let me amend that. The guy who played the aspiring composer was trying too. Nice work, that guy.

(7) For all of its flaws, Cloud Atlas does demonstrate that it is possible, albeit very difficult, to make a movie without Joseph Gordon-Levitt. This is an important thing formovie executives to remember. You don’t have to cast him. He is optional.

(8) Seriously, I was reading somewhere that they even tried to cast Joseph Gordon-Levitt in Django, but Joseph Gordon-Levitt had a scheduling conflict, probably because he was too busy appearing in everything. Why are we doing this? I mean, I like him as much as the next guy, but did he really need to be in Lincoln?

(9) Well, actually, scratch that. Joseph Gordon-Levitt probably would have been way better than Tom Hanks or Hugh Grant or Jim Sturgess. They should’ve cast him.

(10) Yeah, upon reflection, I see why this happens now. You’re casting the film, and you get to thinking, “I could cast so-and-so, but why not Joseph Gordon-Levitt? He’d do a solid job. He’s a good ensemble player. Everybody likes him fine.” Alright, I’ve made my peace with this.

(11) Seriously though, NEVER put a white actor in yellow face. Not even if he’s Joseph Gordon-Levitt. All anyone can think of is Mickey Rooney in Breakfast at Tiffany’s. No one needs that flashback.

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