A Beginner’s Guide to Punching Yourself in the Groin Whilst Attempting to Unplug a Fan from an Extension Cord

By Shawn, a Seasoned Veteran

 

What you will need:

a fan

an extension cord

a lack of basic problem-solving skills

 

Steps:

1. Plug a fan into an extension cord.

2. Go about your business for a bit.

3. Decide it’s time to unplug the fan from the extension cord.

4. Attempt to do so and fail.

5. Say, “Boy, that’s really in there!” to no one in particular.

6. Decide what you need to get that plug out of there is more “leverage.”

7. Gain “leverage” by bringing the nigh-fused extension cord/fan conglomerate to about crotch-level.

8. Prepare to unplug the fan, carefully aligning the likely trajectory of the plug with whichever part of your genitalia is most susceptible to injury.

9. Briefly entertain the thought that you might accidentally punch yourself in the crotch if the plug comes out more easily than expected.

10. In a fit of folly and hubris, dismiss that thought with a laugh.

11. Using all the strength at your disposal, jerk the plug out of the extension cord, propelling it wildly towards your groin.

12. If you’ve followed the previous steps correctly, what happens now will look, to an outside observer, like a crazed attempt at self-sterilization. On the plus side, the fan’s unplugged now.

4 comments

  1. siblingandcharybdis

    I know you’re just being humble, Ann. It’s sweet of you, but I’m pretty sure everyone knows that your existence is far superior to mine. Every day I wake up and bathe in my own tears just at the thought that I can never be half as awesome as you are. -Shawn [Ann’s note: I can write comments and sign your name to them, Shawn.]

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