Morning Rituals

By Shawn

We all have our morning rituals. Here’s one of mine.

  1. Get up.
  2. Go to coffee shop to work.
  3. Plug in headphones.
  4. Forget about discrepancy between speaker and headphone volume.
  5. Turn on music.
  6. Get not-so-subtle reminder of said discrepancy by accidentally blasting the shit out of self.
  7. Suppress startled scream.
  8. Attract attention of person sitting near me, who is alarmed by muffled yelp.
  9. Smile sheepishly and give “you know how it goes” shrug.
  10. Person does not know how it goes; looks away in mild disgust.
  11. Wait a day.
  12. Repeat.

Self, seriously, why won’t you LEARN, you damn idiot?

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