The Marmaduke Rule

By Shawn

I see a fair number of movies, and over time I’ve discovered that they are subject to several ironclad laws. Here I’d like to introduce one of my favorites. I call it “The Marmaduke Rule.”

The Marmaduke Rule is simple. It states that if a movie has an official poster featuring something wearing sunglasses that cannot or does not normally wear sunglasses, the movie is going to suck.

In case you’re wondering why I decided to give it that name, this:

MARMADUKE

Score on Rotten Tomatoes: 9%

Now you’re probably thinking, “Okay, Shawn, that’s one example. But maybe it’s just a coincidence Marmaduke (a) is terrible and (b) likes to wear sunglasses.” You might have a point there. It’s not like I’m sitting on an exhaustive crap-ton of evidence or anything. OH WAIT.

ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS

Score on Rotten Tomatoes: 26%

GARFIELD

Score on Rotten Tomatoes: 15%

G-FORCE

Score on Rotten Tomatoes: 21%

KANGAROO JACK

Score on Rotten Tomatoes: 8%

ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS 2: THE SQUEAKUEL

Score on Rotten Tomatoes: 21%

LOOK WHO’S TALKING TOO

Score on Rotten Tomatoes: 17%

BEVERLY HILLS CHIHUAHUA

Score on Rotten Tomatoes: 41%

THE SMURFS

Score on Rotten Tomatoes: 23%

And last, but by no means least:

ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS 3: CHIPWRECKED

Score on Rotten Tomatoes: 14%

We can certainly argue about why this is or what it means. But one point is beyond dispute–the absolute surest way to make a movie suck tremendously is to stick a pair of sunglasses on something that has no business wearing them. The Marmaduke Rule is a thing.

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