Ann Leaves Darwin Speechless #9: A Gourmand’s Palate
Ann: This phone tastes like metal. ‘Cause it’s metal.
Ann: This phone tastes like metal. ‘Cause it’s metal.
From a series of e-mails:
Ann, first e-mail: “Also, I just got super glue on my finger, and now the skin trapped below it’s surface is slowly dying, and I don’t know what to do about it. Just thought I’d share.”
Ann, second e-mail: “Oh my god, I wrote ‘it’s’ instead of ‘its.’ THE SUPER GLUE HAS SOAKED THROUGH MY FINGER AND INTO MY BRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIINNNNNN!”
Ann, third e-mail: “Actually, did you know super glue washes off fairly easily with hot water and soap? Probably I should have tried that first instead of yelling about it. But here we are.”
Shawn: Ann, how does your brain do anything? How does it successfully direct you to food?
Ann: Sometimes I smell it.
Ann: I wish my name were Mrs. Summerville, so in the winter I could be like, “My name doesn’t make sense!”
Shawn: You don’t listen to yourself when you talk anymore, do you?
Ann: No, not at all. What’d I say?
Ann: Oh God, that’s not nail polish on my fingers, it’s blood! Oh God, the actual nail polish is getting in my wounds!
Shawn: Have I ever mentioned…
Ann: Oh God, it burns! It burns! It burrrrrnnnnsssss!
Shawn: …that sometimes it’s hard to talk to you on the phone?
(The garage door opens to reveal an empty garage.)
Ann: Holy fucking shit! Someone stole the car!
Shawn: Ann. We’re in the car.
Shawn: So, are you gonna be around this afternoon?
Ann: AAAUUGGGHHH! MY LEAN POCKET IS ON FFFFIIRRREEEE!
Shawn: You know what. I’ll just try you later.
Ann (A): Hey, what’s this on my wardrobe?
Shawn (S): Uh… what?
A: There’s a little piece of something on my wardrobe. It’s either chocolate or eyeliner.
S: If it’s on your wardrobe, it’s probably eyeliner.
A: I’m gonna taste it.
S: Ann, please, don’t.
A: It might be chocolate.
S: That doesn’t mean you have to eat it.
A: I have to know.
S: Ann, really, I don’t think–
A: (spitting sound) It was eyeliner.
